A  good  laugh  heals  a  lot  of  hurts

You don't have to be a genius to understand these jokes.
These  funny  acronyms  and  abbreviations  will  sure  make  you  laugh.

B. F. F.   Best  Friends  Forever
S. O. S.   Save  Our  Souls
B. B. B.   Bullishit  Baffles  Brains
B. O. S. S.   Built  On  Self  Success
G. R. E. A. T.   Get  Really  Excited  About  Today
D. I. A. R. Y.   Darling  I  Always  Remember  You
A. F. A. I. R.   As  Far  As  I  Remember
D. I. E. T.   Did  I  Eat  That ?
N. A. T. O.   NAction  Talk  Only
C. L. A. S. S.   Come  Late  And  Start  Sleeping
L. I. V. E.   Learning  Important  Values  Everyday 
M. A. T. H.   Mental  Abuse  THuman
H. O. M. E. W. O. R. K.   Half  O M Energy  Wasted  O Random  Knowledge
P. O. O. R.   Passing  Over  Opportunities  Repeatedly
(hilarious) S. H. I. T.   Special  High  Intensity  Training
S. T. R. E. S. S.   Stuff  TRemember  Every  Single  Second
H. O. P. E.   Hold  On,  Pain  Ends
T. I. M. E.   Tears  In  My  Eyes
F. E. A. R.   Forget  Everything  And  Run
S. M. I. L. E.   See  Miracle  In  Life  Eeryday
A. D. I. D. A. S.   All  Day  I  Dream About  Shopping
M. A. L. L.   Money  Accepted,  Long  Lines
S. A. L. T.   Same  ALast  Time
F. R. A. N. C. E.   Friendship  Remains  And  Never  Can  End
D. H. L.   Deliver  Half  Way  Lost
U. F. O.   Unleaded  Fuel  Only
G. M. A. C.   Give  MA  Car
B. M. W.   BMWife
W. I. F. E.   Wise  Investment  Flourishing  Eternally
L. I. F. E.   Love  IFor  Everyone
S. I. N. G. L. E.   Stress  INow  Gone,  Life's  Easier
N. S. A.   NSmoking  Area 
T. E. A. M.   Together  Everyone  Achieves  More
I. P. O.   Illustrative  Purposes  Only 
(Hypertext Markup Language) H. T. M. L.   How  TMake  Love
J. F. K.   Just  Freaking  Kidding 
A. I. M.   Ambition  ILife
L. O. L.   Lots  OLove
L. O. V. E.   Loss  OValuable  Energy 
K. I. S. S.   Keep  ISimple, Stupid
J. O. K. E.   Joy  OKids  Entertainment
H. O. M. E.   House  OMErrands
F. O. B.   Family  Owned  Business 
L. I. V. E.   Learning  Important  Values  Everyday 
H. A. T. E. R. S.   Having  Anger  Towards  Everyone  Reaching  Success 
M. A. G. A.   MAttorney's  Getting  Arrested
P. O. L. I. T. I. C. S.   Purely  Outright  Lies  Intended  TInfect  Common  Sense
D. R. A. M. A.   Dumb  Retards  Asking  For  More  Attention.
P. R. O. M. I. S. E. S.   People  Really  Only  Make  ISound  Extra  Simple 
S. W. A. G.   Sold  Without  A  Guarantee
C. S. I.   Cannot  Stop  Investigating
B. S. F.   Border  Security  Force
T. S. A.   Touching  Sensitive  Areas
D. N. A.   DNot  Admit 
(World Wide Web) W. W. W.   While  WWait 
H. A. N. D.   Have  A  Nice  Day 

Humor  and  Laughter

  1. The power of imagination makes us infinite.  Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.  A mind is like a parachute.  It doesn't work if it is not open.

  2. Do not take life too seriously.  You will never get out of it alive.  Life's too mysterious to take it too serious.

  3. Brains are awesome I wish everybody had one.  My brain is like The Bermuda Triangle...  Information goes in and then it's never found again.

  4. A turtle loses his shell; is he naked or homeless ?

  5. What’s your favorite childhood memory ?  Not paying bills. 

  6. What key won't open any door?  A  turkey.

  7. How do you get a squirrel to like you?  Act like a nut !

  8. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?  Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses.

  9. Don't blame a clown for acting like a clown.  Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus ?

  10. A man goes to library and asks for a book on Suicide......... Librarian looks at him and says:  "hello.. who will return the book ? "

  11. The doctor asks the client with a loss of memory to pay in advance.  Because tomorrow may never come.

  12. Have a friend who can read your "face" as a "book"  and ask,  "what's up ?"

  13. Best friends buy you food; true friends pay the bill; but fake friends eat your food. Good times and crazy friends make the best memories.

  14. When you are stressed, you eat dessert.  Because stressed spelled backwards is  "desserts ". 

  15. Always remember that you are absolutely unique.  Just like everyone else. Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double.

  16. Anybody who tells you money can't buy happiness never had any !

  17. Kindness is always fashionable.  Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won't expect it back.  I have a bad habit of giving an ocean whenever someone asks for a single drop.

  18. People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

  19. You can't have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic.  Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.

  20. You can use your time to make money, but you can't use the money to purchase more time.  So I went and bought a Rolex.

  21. A lady in front of me at the dollar store paid for my items.  I paid for the man behind me, and he left $10 with the cashier because there was no one behind him !

  22. Life does not come with instructions on how to live.  Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

  23. Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.  I may be wrong, but it's highly unlikely.

  24. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living.  The world owes you nothing.  It was here first. 

  25. The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.

  26. Money is a great servant but a bad master.  I had plastic surgery last week.  I cut up my credit cards.

  27. A thief stole my wife's credit card.  But I let him keep it because he spends less money than she does.

  28. A thief broke into my house last night…..  He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him.

  29. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

  30. There's no fear when you're having fun.  If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive.  If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid.

  31. When you learn how much you're worth, don't settle for average.  You'll stop giving people discounts.  And make sure to add tax.

  32. 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash.  Now we have no Jobs, no Hope, and no CashThe future is promised to no one.

  33. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died; Never frequent beauty shops that don’t have mirrors.  They have something to hide.

  34. When nothing goes right...  goes left.  The right thing with the wrong motive, is the wrong thing.  I am not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious.

  35. Life is trying things to see if they work.  If  I am ever on life support, unplug me...  Then plug me back in.  See if that works ?

  36. They say, "Don't try this at home".  So I am coming over to your house to try it.

  37. Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.  Be careful about reading health books.  You may die of a misprint.

  38. If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you'll have nothing to laugh about when you're old.  I hope it doesn't take you a lifetime to understand this.

  39. I’m old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.  People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

  40. My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.

  41. Common sense is like deodorant.  The people who need it most never use it.  Knowledge is like underwear.  It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

  42. Guy walks out of the restroom...  Girl says: "Sir your garage door is open...  Guy asks: "Did you see my Harley"...  Girl says: "No, I saw a mini bike with two flat tires".

  43. Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the snake, and the snake didn't have a leg to stand on.

  44. Adam and Eve were the first ones to ignore Apple's terms and conditions.

  45. The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.  It was an Apple with very limited memory.  Just 1 byte and everything crashed.

  46. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves ?

  47. When I was young, I was scared of the dark.  Now when I see the electricity bill, I'm scared of the lights.

  48. They say with age comes wisdom.  Therefore, I don't have wrinkles.  I have wise cracks.

  49. If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.

  50. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

  51. The optimist invents the airplane;  the pessimist invents the parachute.

  52. Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.  I keep calm and turn it off and on again There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

  53. The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.  Every morning you have two choices: continue to sleep with your dreams, or wake up and chase them.

  54. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep.  If your dreams don't scare you, they are not big enough.

  55. Stop saying that marriage is "just a piece of paper".  So is money, but you still get up every day and work hard for it.

  56. Marriage is not just a word; it’s a sentence.....    (a life sentence !)

  57. When a man makes more money, he feels like he wants more women; but when a woman makes more money, she feels like she doesn't need a man.

  58. Women marry men hoping they will change.  Men marry women hoping they will not.  Having a wife is part of living, but living with wife is the art of living.  A good husband makes a good wife.

  59. Make your marriage more awesome than your wedding.  Marriage is a workshop, where husband works and wife shops.

  60. Man has his will; woman has her way.  A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.  A successful woman is one who can find such a man !

  61. No man knows more about women than I do, all I know is that I know nothing... The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.  I am teachable.  I'm not always right.

  62. I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

  63. I never made a mistake in my life.  I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

  64. When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. 

  65. A valuable lesson teaches you something important.
    No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference  between the two words  'complete' and 'finished'  in a way that's so easy to understand:
    Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED, but there is:
    When you marry the right one,  you are  COMPLETE....  And when you marry the wrong one, you are  FINISHED.....
    And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ...  COMPLETELY  FINISHED !

  66. A man is incomplete until he is married.  After that, he is finished. 

  67. A woman went shopping.  At the cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a  TV remote  in her purse.  He couldn't control his curiosity and asked,  "Do you always carry your TV remote with you?"  She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today ......... The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.  Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing.  He said your husband has blocked your credit card .........

  68. People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys. Trying to make sense of crazy will make you crazy.

  69. Don't get me started, I don't come with brakes.  I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition...

  70. Laughing at our own mistakes can lengthen our own life; laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

  71. I am a very simple person in real life, and I enjoy what I do.  I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.  I try not to laugh at my own jokes but you all know I'm hilarious.  If you don't laugh at my jokes then I will.  You laugh because you think it's a joke.  I laugh because you think I'm joking.

  72. Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.  Laugh while you still have teeth.  Don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

  73. Life is short and so am I.  If you lie in bed at night and you don't have a single thing to worry about.  That always worries me.

  74. Wine gets better with age I get better with wine.  You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

  75. My face carries all my memories.  Wrinkles only go where the smiles have been.  When I got older and opened my eyes and saw the real world, I began to laugh, and I haven't stopped since.

  76. The journey is never ending.  It's never too late to reinvent yourself.  Even though you're growing up, you should never stop having fun.  Life is constantly changing.  Dreams don't have an expiration.  It is never too late to be what you might have been.

  77. As we get older, three things happen.  The first is our memory goes, and we can’t remember the other two.

  78. Nothing is interesting if you're not interested.  Time is money, I cannot afford to waste my time.  I need a new friend.  The last one escaped.  He couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions. Finally I realized, I was never asking for too much, I was just asking the wrong person.

  79. Do You Know Me ?
    How could an innocent question like  "Do you know me? "  end up like this?  And why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
    In a trial,  a  Southern  small town  prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman.  He approached her and asked, " Mrs. Jones, do you know me ? " She responded, " Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. " The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, " Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney ? " She again replied, " Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention, he cheated on his wife with three different women -- one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him. " The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, " If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

  80. Going to a country where you don't speak the language is like wading into the sea when you can't swim.  As soon as we start putting our thoughts into words and sentences, everything gets distorted.

Jokes   and   Laughs

We all laugh in the same language.  Laughter is the measurement of happiness.  Love is the carrier of laughter.  Laughter makes you young.  Love makes you beautiful.  Laughing is the best medicine.  But if you're laughing for no reason, you may need medicine.

Laughter helps us stay mentally healthy and improves the quality of life.  Always find a reason to laugh.  It may not add years to your life, but it will surely add life to your years.  Laughter and smiles are inherent to humans.  Animals have no function of laughing or committing suicide; only human beings know this function ?  Laughter is an amazing ability that God gave us all.  Determined to live life with flair and laughter.  Laughter is a very special gift.  Laughing helps us cope with the sadness of life.  The belly laugh is the best way to evacuate the anguish. 

A laugh a day keeps the doctor away?  Do not let a day go by without laughing; it is good for your health.  Always laugh when you can.  It is cheap medicine.  Laugh a lot, it burns a lot of calories.  Laughter makes the soul sparkle.  Sometimes we laugh by remembering the days we cried.  And we cry by remembering the days we laughed.  Spend time with people who make you laugh.  The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.  Laughter has a great way of bringing different people together.  Draws people closer to each other.  Laughter can even unite people during difficult times.  When you give joy to other people, you get more joy in return.

Life' is a choice.  It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time.  When life is getting you down, and all you need is a laugh.  If you don't learn to laugh at trouble.  You won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.  A smile is the beginning of laughter, and laughter is the feeling of being happy, which we all need every day.  Laughing and smiling releases happy hormones like endorphins, helping you balance the chaotic, negative emotions you get, reduce your stress and unwind after a difficult day.  Laughter is what makes a home warm, and what makes a work place human.  A smile makes you happy; it makes others happy.  Friends are for sharing laughter and wiping tears.  Find the friend that makes you smile; humor and laughter are one of the quickest escape routes out of states of anxiety and stress.

Laughter is a powerful reliever of stress, and can be a great healer.  We have to be very careful that it is used appropriately and not at the expense of others.  A day without laughter is a day wasted.  Everyone can have a new beginning.  That is why we have tomorrows.  Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.  Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day.  The most wasted of all days is one without laughter !  Live for today and let tomorrow come later.  Laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.  Let your smile change the world.  Don't let the world change your smile.  Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it.

Your life is precious.  Life is better when you are laughing.  Laugh as much as you breathe.  Live as you want to live but do not forget to laugh and dance in between.

Laughter is a social superpower.
A sense of humor to make people laugh at work,
at home, at the comedy club and more.

We share, we learn, we grow.
Live and learn and pass it on.