Words are the source of misunderstandings
Going to a country where you don't speak the language
is like wading into the sea when you can't swim.
As soon as we start putting our thoughts into words and sentences,
everything gets distorted.
Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings me a spoon and a knife but no fork. I tell her "I wanna a fork" and she tell me: "everyone wanna f@?k ". I tell her "you don't understand me... I wanna fork on the table". She say: "you better not f@?k on the table you sonnawabitch" .
So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet". he tell me to go the toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna a sheet on my bed". He say: "you better not shit on the bed, you sonnawabitch".
I go to the check-out and the man at the desk said "peace on you", and I say: "Piss on you too, you sonnawabicth". I gonna back to Italy !
Funny airline pilot announcements
(left passengers in stitches and made you laugh)
Welcome on board, Iím Captain Mary Jokers. Yes, Iím a female pilot,
and as a benefit, if we get lost on the way, I wonít be afraid to stop and ask
for directions. We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight. Please remain seated. Position your seat belt tight, low, and across your hips, like my grandmother
wears her support bra. In a short time, we will serve refreshments. Please
remember that we are in the airline business, not the food business. If you need
an additional reading light, just push the button above your head with the
lightbulb on it. Thatíll turn the light on. However, if you push the button
above your head with the flight attendant on it, it does not turn us on. Weíll be landing as soon as we get closer to the ground.
In case of an emergency landing, air masks will drop from the overhead
After a heavy landing, the pilot announced: Folks, we will be arriving early today because we found a shortcut. As you may already know, we have hit our destination. Pack your bags and get out. Please make sure you take all your belongings with you. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please donít leave children or spouses...
To fly is to live
Travelers advisory: Jet lag is for amateurs.
Airports: The only place where drinking 8:00am is socially acceptable.
Airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
A hotel management: We're sorry Instant Spouses not allowed.
A restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Travel documents: Youíve never felt true fear until your passport isnít where you think you left it.
Final Boarding Call Announcement: Passengers arriving at the departure gate after this announcement are late and may not be boarded. Dial *69 for The Number of Your Last Phone Call.
To travel is to live
Jobs fill your pockets, adventures fill your soul. Itís bad manners to let a vacation wait. I need a 6-month vacation twice a year ! You wonít get the holiday blues if you just keep booking vacations. Traveling is like a chocolate box. It doesnít matter what you get. All is good. A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places. Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas and take your next trip in kilometers. I havenít been everywhere, but itís on my list. I feel like most of my problems could be solved with a trip to... anywhere.
At the end of the day, I'd rather have a lot of stories to tell than a full bank account. I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance.
I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords !